Back-to-School Made Easier
Written by Maggie Latta-Milord, LCMHCA, LPSC
Psychotherapist
Practical Tips for Parents and Students
Coming back to school or starting school for the first time can come with many emotions for both parents and students. Here are a few tips (from your friendly neighborhood elementary school counselor and Banyan clinician) to foster confidence for you and your student(s) as we start this new school year.
Practice - If you are able to, practice routines in the days and weeks before school begins. This includes practicing bed times and wake times as well as your getting ready for school routine (getting dressed, preparing their backpack, eating breakfast (if not provided at school), etc). This also may include practicing the walk to the bus stop or commute to the school. This practice helps your student know what to expect and helps you have an idea of how long it will take to get ready for school.
Plan for goodbyes - Plan a goodbye with your student and make it short (examples: hug, high five, words of encouragement). Allow them to be a part of the process and communicate clearly when you will separate and when you will be reunited. The art of the goodbye is being direct and consistent while also helping your child feel confidence in the continued love and connection even in times of separation. When dropping your student off to school or the bus, avoid long goodbyes, and leave immediately after your goodbye. When a child has difficulty separating, we as parents may be tempted to go back in, give another hug, or stick around to support. However, when separating is a trigger for a child, prolonging the process by drawing it out actually can create more confusion and doubt for the child and make it more difficult for your child to have an opportunity to regulate and connect to the positive aspects of their first days at school. Consistency in your goodbye routine and leaving promptly helps your student know it is time to transition to school and start their day.
Many schools have a set day when family members are no longer walking students to class; at the elementary school I work at, we call it Independence Day. The staff at your child’s school is tasked with keeping your child safe and supported during the day and have experience with these heightened beginning of year emotions. With that, please never forget that you as a parent/caregiver are an invaluable part of the team supporting your student at school. If you have concerns, contact your child’s teacher or school counselor directly with the information you feel they need to best support your student and understand their unique needs.
Notice and manage feelings - Talk to your students about how they are feeling, affirm their feelings, and allow space for your students to speak with you openly about their school experiences. Some students will be more impacted by the beginning of the school year excitement and worries or separation from parents/caregivers during the day than others. Reassure them that it’s OK to feel their emotions about a new school year. Recognize how you are feeling and what words you are using as well, because students can pick up on your emotions as the parent also.
Note: If school refusal or anxiety around school continues throughout the year, it is important to consider all possible underlying needs and determine whether there is a challenge at school or home around safety, learning needs, or health driving the emotions or behavior.
Keep coming to school - Have a sick plan. With heightened emotions, we know bodies also carry stress, presenting as headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms. Encourage your child to attend school whenever possible! The best thing to help your student get used to coming to school and becoming more comfortable with their class and teachers is for students to be at school every day. Make a consistent plan that works for your family (such as staying home only in cases of fever and vomiting). Find what works best for your family and the physical and social emotional well-being of your student. Of course, if symptoms persist, always speak to your student’s doctor about concerns.
Be consistent!
