As a clinical mental health counselor, I see many people who have depressive symptoms: lack of interest and motivation, little energy, low self-esteem. And although I’m fortunate not to have had depression in my lifetime, I do know most of us, including myself, typically experience the symptoms at some point.

Mine came in late 2015. I was in a relationship with Terrie, who I wound up marrying the next year, but my work life was a mess. I had a boss who wanted me gone and was doing everything in her power to make that happen. I knew that her criticisms and nit-picking of my work were, at best, vastly exaggerated. But I felt powerless.

Terrie was the person who opened my eyes about my depressive symptoms.

One day, she told me how she hated Sunday afternoons. I thought it was pointing to the end of the weekend and our time together. “No,” she told me. “I hate it because your whole mood changes.”

When I questioned her, she said by early afternoon on Sundays, it was as if a dark cloud had descended on me. I became withdrawn and guarded.

Her words were a revelation. I realized how much the situation at work was affecting other parts of my life—the important parts, at that, like my relationship with Terrie. Something had to change.

Which brings up why depression can feel so difficult. Depression is not always as obvious as its counterpart, anxiety. With anxiety, you can literally feel signals within your body such as tightness in the chest or gut, nausea, headaches. Depression can be more subtle. Yet there are ways to address it.

First, it’s important to speak with your physician or a psychiatrist. In the past 30 years, many new medicines have come on the market that can be game-changers for people with chronic depression or even just depressive symptoms. Yes, medical solutions often require patience and tweaks in dosage or prescription until they do the job. And yes, many have side effects that can outweigh the benefits. But this is a valid and frequent first step toward easing depressive symptoms.

Second, talk therapy can be an important way to explore the negative things happening in your life. A therapist is an empathetic, non-advice-giver who can listen and perhaps open your mind to solutions that the depressive symptoms may be preventing you from accessing.

Many research studies have shown that a combination of medication and talk therapy provides the best chance of reducing the cyclical nature of depression.

Back in 2015, my therapist gave me the space to simply talk about my unhappiness in my job and my then career in communications and marketing. Those sessions got me to thinking about what I really wanted to do with the rest of my working life, and that’s how I wound up in the same career as him. He never said a word suggesting it. I had to discover based on my own reflections that counseling was the right career for me. Once I made the decision, my therapist was an enthusiastic supporter.

He remains my therapist all these years later.

Many of us feel alone. We feel as though we are not known and not deeply loved by those around us. As a counselor, I see many people feeling intense anxiety and depression, feeling trapped and unable to make a move in any direction. I see people who have experienced trauma and then do not have the support to pick up the pieces. This experience can lead to developing painful relationships and even violence. I hear this pain in the lyrics of music and I see it played out in stories in books, television, and movies.

Friendship is important. It adds joy and depth to life. But how do you form a deep connection? How do you develop trust yet maintain boundaries? How do you stop feeling so alone?

For me, I have to find the ability to be open to trust. This starts by connecting with the belief that we are all in this together, struggling to figure out life. Once I connect with this belief, I have to connect with the understanding that I can move slowly, at my own pace. It is okay to take time to get to know people, and to get to know yourself in relation to them.

If I am in a space where I feel that “we” (people in general) are on the same side, gradually I will be ready to be somewhat vulnerable with someone. Not everyone. I pay attention to cues: are they humble? Do we seem to have similar values? Then I proceed with vulnerability.

How does a person “be vulnerable?”

I start with being deeply present to the other person. I let myself get caught up in what they are saying, rather than preparing my next statement. This may mean there could be silence, and that is okay. (It takes practice to become more comfortable with silence). Then I share my thoughts or feelings. I may disagree with them. I may agree. I may offer an experience of my own. I may ask curious questions. I try to listen with a stance of curiosity rather than from a stance of judgement or defense, waiting to catch them being wrong or trying to hurt me. I allow my heart to feel a connection.

I have often been surprised that a conversation may go to a deep place quickly. But a connection from vulnerability is not the same as “defended exposure.” Defended exposure means “I will tell you something from my life that seems vulnerable, but is really from a cognitive, rather than feeling, place.” To connect, allow feelings to come forward. Speak from feeling rather than from logic and intellect only.

What does friendship feel like? Energizing and uplifting, yet calming at the same time. A friend may challenge you, but it is not demeaning or cruel.

Friendship–connection–brings richness to life. It can be scary to allow connection and it is worth it.
​
What do you think? How have you made your strongest connections? Also, what stops you from connections sometimes?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has a large presence in pop culture from the frequently used phrase “I’m so OCD,” to depictions on shows or movies, to presence in Mental Health TikTok and other social media. Like anything in pop culture, it can be hard to tell what is accurate and based in reality over incomplete or sensationalized depictions.

Misconception: All people with OCD are really clean and organized.

Reality: While some people with OCD may appear to be incredibly clean or organized, this is only one way OCD can show up.

Part of the reason some people with OCD may appear clean and organized is due to intrusive thoughts, or obsessions related to fear of contamination or intense, persistent discomfort if something is not arranged “just right.” This leads to feeling the strong urge to perform a behavior (a compulsion) to reduce the anxiety. That might look like regimented cleaning, meticulous organizing, or other repetitive behaviors.

OCD is much broader than just that. Some common themes include fears of harming oneself or others, fear of something bad happening, morally “forbidden” thoughts, contamination, hoarding, and symmetry/order.

Misconception: Compulsions are always obvious actions such as flipping a light switch on and off or excessive hand washing.

Reality: While there is truth to this and some compulsions may be visible, others may be unseen mental rituals.

Mental compulsions might include replaying conversations over and over to make sure nothing “wrong” was said, or repeating phrases internally to reassure yourself that nothing bad will happen. Reassurance isn’t inherently harmful, but it becomes problematic when a person feels dependent on it and distressed if they can’t repeat it.

Some other examples of compulsions include rewriting messages multiple times until they feel “perfect,” repeatedly checking stoves or locks, regimentedly monitoring your temperature to make sure you aren’t sick, or frequently asking others for reassurance.

Misconception: If a person with OCD has intrusive thoughts of harming others, they must be dangerous.

Reality: Intrusive thoughts are the opposite of intent. They are unwanted, distressing, and directly oppose what the individual genuinely wants to do.

By definition, intrusive thoughts are thoughts a person does not want to have. They often target a person’s core values or greatest fears. For example, someone who values peaceful interactions may experience intrusive images or thoughts of harming others. The distress comes from how upsetting the thought is, not from any desire to act on it.

Experiencing intrusive thoughts does not mean a person is dangerous. However, if someone has actual intent or plans to harm themselves or others, it is important to seek professional support and contact emergency services in the case of a true crisis.

Misconception: All therapists are trained to effectively treat OCD.

Reality: Unfortunately, many therapists are not due to the specialized nature of working with OCD.

Before I (as a therapist and the author of this post) pursued additional post-graduate training, I didn’t have the tools to effectively support clients with OCD. In fact, some common therapy strategies such as challenging irrational thoughts and replacing them with more realistic ones or offering reassurance can unintentionally reinforce OCD symptoms.

The gold standard treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP involves slowly and safely facing anxiety-provoking situations while learning to manage the urge to carry out compulsions. Over time, this helps reduce the power of obsessions and break the cycle that keeps OCD going: Trigger → Distress → Compulsion → Temporary Relief → Repeat.

Misconception: Medication won’t help OCD, or medication is the only answer.

Reality: Medication can be supportive for the treatment for OCD but is not appropriate for everyone and the decision should be made on an informed, case-by-case basis.

Medication can be very helpful in reducing OCD symptoms and supporting overall treatment. However, some medications may interfere with certain therapeutic strategies, and medication alone does not address the underlying OCD cycle. Combining medication with evidence-based therapy can provide the most effective long-term results.

The best approach is individualized, involving collaboration between the client, therapist, and a prescribing provider to determine whether medication, therapy, or a combination is most supportive.

Misconception: Having OCD means there is something wrong with me or that it’s my fault.

Reality: OCD is not a character flaw or a personal failing.

OCD is a condition influenced by a combination of genetic, neurological, and environmental factors. Experiencing obsessions and compulsions does not mean you are broken or at fault. With appropriate support, OCD can be effectively managed and people can live meaningful, fulfilling lives.

OCD is a complex experience that goes far beyond common stereotypes or myths. Understanding the reality of obsession and compulsions helps reduce stigma and self blame. With accurate information, compassion, and evidence-based treatment, people with OCD can regain a sense of control and build a life aligned with their values.

As a psychiatric physician assistant, I’ve spent many years helping patients manage anxiety. One thing I’ve learned is that the most effective care often takes a holistic approach. Medication certainly has its place (and I prescribe it regularly), but for many people, combining medication with therapy, lifestyle changes and evidence-based supplements can offer a more well-rounded and sustainable path to relief.

If you’ve ever walked through the supplement aisle or browsed online, you know how overwhelming it can be. Hundreds of products are marketed for stress and anxiety, and it doesn’t help that the supplement industry lacks strong regulation. Some supplements are helpful, while others are ineffective or even misleading. Over time, I’ve narrowed down a few that I consistently recommend, based on clinical research and how well they’ve worked for my patients. Although this isn’t a comprehensive list, here are the supplements I find myself returning to most often when addressing anxiety symptoms.

1. High-Strength Lavender Oil

Lavender is well known for its relaxing scent, but it also has powerful calming properties when taken in an oral, standardized form. One of the best-studied forms is Silexan, sold in the U.S. as Nature’s Way CalmAid®. In Germany, it has even been tested head-to-head against a prescription SSRI and was found to reduce anxiety symptoms more effectively.

How does it work? In simple terms, Silexan appears to influence serotonin, a chemical in the brain that helps regulate mood. Many of my patients describe it as creating a gentle sense of calm without grogginess or brain fog. It works best when taken consistently each day, rather than just as needed. Although generally well tolerated, it’s not suitable for everyone, so I recommend checking with a healthcare provider before starting.​

2. Magnesium

Magnesium is a critical mineral involved in hundreds of bodily functions, including how we manage stress. Low magnesium levels have been associated with increased anxiety, and unfortunately, many people don’t get enough through diet alone.

Not all forms of magnesium are created equal. For calming effects, I typically recommend magnesium glycinate or magnesium threonate, which are better absorbed and more effective for anxiety. Other types, such as magnesium citrate or oxide, are better suited for treating constipation.

Many people find that taking magnesium in the evening supports relaxation and sleep. There is a growing body of research suggesting magnesium supplementation can reduce anxiety, particularly in individuals with chronic stress or trouble sleeping. It’s often one of the first supplements I recommend when someone feels tense, overstimulated, or restless at night.

3. L-Theanine

L-theanine is an amino acid naturally found in green tea that is known for promoting a sense of calm and focus without sedation. It helps the brain produce more alpha waves, which are linked to a calm but alert state, and it also balances brain chemicals such as dopamine and GABA that affect mood and relaxation.

Although green tea does contain L-theanine, you’d have to drink impractically large amounts to reach the levels shown to be effective in studies, which is why supplements are often recommended. I often recommend L-theanine for people who struggle with mental chatter, racing thoughts, or performance anxiety. It can be taken daily or on an as-needed basis, and many find it particularly useful for public speaking, social interactions, and other stressful situations. It’s generally fast-acting and well tolerated, with minimal side effects.

Final Thoughts

Supplements aren’t a one-size-fits-all solution, and they’re not a substitute for therapy or prescribed medication when needed. But when used thoughtfully and with guidance, they can be a powerful part of a well-rounded anxiety treatment plan.

If you’re curious about trying any of these options, talk with your healthcare provider to determine what makes the most sense for your personal health history and symptoms. Managing anxiety often requires experimentation and patience. With the right tools, including evidence-based supplements, many people find they can feel better and regain a greater sense of calm and control.

Working regularly with people experiencing anxiety, depression, grief, trauma and other conditions can have a spillover effect for those in the helping professions. 

This effect is called secondary trauma. What can happen to counselors, social workers, nurses, doctors, paramedics and the like is that we adopt dysfunctional coping mechanisms for the pain and sorrow we encounter in those we treat. 

In the past few years, and especially this year, I’ve worked with many people whose lives, in addition to whatever crisis or stressor they are dealing with, have been additionally undergirded with anxiety by events going on in our country and the world. This, in turn, can ramp up my own sense of foreboding, and I have to deal with that much the same way I urge my clients—by focusing on self-care, accepting the things I cannot control and doing what I can to feel I’m contributing something.

One of my “go-to” relief valves in life has long been music, and two songs in particular have been racing through my mind, playing over and over on the turntable in my head to soothe me.

The first is a song written in the early 1980s by Steven Van Zandt, best known as guitar player in Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band but an incredibly talented musician in his own right. “I Am a Patriot” as Van Zandt writes, is about spiritual disconnection in the place where you live. “I said what I believe in my soul, ain’t what I see with my eyes, and we can’t turn our backs this time.”

In the most passionate line of the song, Van Zandt says bluntly he isn’t communist, capitalist, socialist, imperialist, democrat or republican.” Rather, he sings, “I only know one party. And it is freedom.”

The second song, “Common Ground,” has shot to the top of my brain’s playlist largely because of its author, Glenn Alexander, an outstanding guitarist and longtime member of my favorite group, Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. Glenn and I became friends during the Covid-19 pandemic, when he took to doing free weekly concerts on social media. His online shows, both with his own group, Shadowland, and with his daughter, Oria, were a place of peace amid the storm of pandemic.

I recently invited Glenn and Oria to play at my wife Terrie’s 60th birthday party, and he flew down from New Jersey for the event. At my request. Glenn and Oria played “Common Ground,” a song he wrote shortly before the 9/11 attacks, but as he has noted, is more relevant today than ever.

“Now is the time, to change our fate. Surrender our pride; let’s meet face to face. If we could view the world through the eyes of a child, we’d see that compassion is the only way that we can survive. The walls of misunderstanding come tumbling down when you and me meet on higher ground.”

Music helps us cope with both individual life stressors we face and those around us over which we have little control. When I listen to the words and music of artists I love, I reconnect with my values and beliefs. I find hope.

Here’s wishing we can all find that particular common ground.

I recently invited Yubi Aranda Sandoval to respond to a few prompts to help potential clients get a feel for what therapy with her is like. Though Yubi is a new addition to our practice as a licensed clinician, she’s no stranger to Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness—she completed her internship with us and has been part of our community for some time. Read on to get an inside look at Yubi’s approach, passions, and what grounds her in this work.

​- Who do you typically work best with (in terms of clients)?
I work best with couples and individuals who want to transform their lives and are willing to do the hard work together.  

- Are there specific concerns, identities, or life experiences you feel especially called to support?
I was once undocumented, and have gone through several of the facets of the immigration process, from DACA recipient to becoming a permanent resident through my marriage, to finally becoming a U.S. citizen. I would be honored to work with individuals who are navigating the hardships of being undocumented and those who are caught in the immigration process. I understand how overwhelming this process can be and how slow it is. Other identities I embrace and would love to support are new mothers going through perinatal challenges, mothers going through life transitions, couples facing communication challenges, and Latine individuals navigating the challenges of life transitions, acculturation, assimilation, and cultural identity. 

- What’s one thing you’d want a potential client to know before reaching out?
I am easy-going, open-minded, and understanding. However, I am also gently firm with clients and keep them accountable for the treatment plans we build. 

- If therapy were a metaphor, how would you describe it?
It's like a cleansing/detox process. We know it is the right step to take to become a better version of ourselves. Yet we postpone it as much as we can.  It takes time for us to see positive outcomes; many times, we feel like we go back a few steps before moving forward. However, once we begin to see traction, we want to maintain health and move forward. 

- What’s a small joy or ritual that helps you reset?
Songs. Connecting to songs that bring my emotions out helps me reset, especially when the emotions are challenging.

- Coffee, tea, or…?
Coffee in the morning (pick me up) and tea at night (wind me down)

- What’s your therapy "superpower"?
My therapy superpower is empathy. It helps me connect with clients and grounds me by understanding their hardships. 

Yubi is currently accepting new clients including children 8+, adults, and couples. She is excited walk alongside you through your journey of healing and empowerment. Click the button below to schedule your first session with Yubi!

As we gear up for the holiday season, it's important to remember that this time of year can also be stressful and emotionally taxing. That's why, in honor of Giving Tuesday, we want to share with you 5 tips for coping during the holidays. 


1. Practice self-care.

Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally during this time. This could mean taking a relaxing bath, going for a walk outside, or talking to a friend, or your therapist.


2. Set boundaries.
It's okay to say no to certain events or traditions if they are causing you stress or anxiety. Remember, this time of year should be enjoyable, not overwhelming.


3. Give back.

One of the best ways to cope during the holidays is to give back to others. Volunteer at a local shelter or donate to a charity that is close to your heart.


4. Stay organized.

Keep track of your schedule and to-do lists to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Prioritize the most important tasks and break them down into manageable steps.


5. Connect with loved ones.

Spending time with family and friends can be a great source of joy during the holidays. Make an effort to connect with those you care about, whether it's through a phone call, video chat, or in-person visit.


Remember, it's okay to ask for help if you need it. The holidays can be tough, but with these tips, you can cope and hopefully find some moments of joy and peace.


Wishing you a fulfilling Giving Tuesday!