Tess Job, MA, LCMHCPsychotherapist In the wake of the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia, I recognize that this day is just as important as it has been in years past. While the Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage in all 50 states, ten years later, the same court has legalized conversion therapy in all 50 states. The conflicting messages and whiplash for the queer community cannot be understated. These drastic anti-LGBTQ+ measures are not limited to the United States. According to the Human Rights Watch, as of early 2026, “at least 67 countries have national laws criminalizing same-sex relations between consenting adults. In addition, at least nine countries have national laws criminalizing forms of gender expression that target transgender and gender nonconforming people.” As we all know, queer people have existed throughout history and have created communities for themselves wherever they were, and we will continue to exist and create communities. We, as a community, continue to find joy in each other, lift up each other, and support each other. We celebrate each other's wins and losses, and we've learned that community is resistance.  My move from Charlotte to Winston-Salem in 2023 illustrates this need for community. Winston-Salem has a thriving queer community and also has an organization that helps create a landing spot for the intersecting identities within the local queer community. North Star LGBTQ+ Community Center is a wonderful organization that supports the Winston-Salem community’s queer folk, and it offers several different types of groups and events that cater to different parts of the queer community, as well as the varied interests in the queer community. North Star is very dear to my heart, and as a therapist, I encourage my queer clients who are seeking a community to start there! Part of creating a community is being able to connect with people who have shared interests, identities, and even struggles. At North Star, I felt connection and acceptance in a way I hadn’t before. When we give people the space and opportunity to be authentically themselves, it encourages others to do the same. I know it did for me!
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Yubi Aranda Sandoval, MS, LCMHCA, NCCPsychotherapist Couples therapy is one of my favorite types of therapy sessions. Some therapists choose not to do couples therapy due to the complexity of working simultaneously with two individuals who are navigating distress in their relationship. I have to admit—it isn’t easy. However, when we take a moment to slow the session down, we often begin to uncover something important. Many times, the couple is caught in a cycle that has been gradually developing over time. At first, the disagreements may seem small—misunderstandings about communication, differences in expectations, or moments when one partner feels unheard. But over time, these small moments can accumulate. Before long, small disagreements grow into larger arguments, resentment begins to build, patience wears thin, and one partner’s defensiveness can start to sound like an attempt to “win” rather than understand the other. What is fascinating about couples therapy is that the conflict we see in the room is often just the surface of something deeper. Beneath the frustration, anger, or distance, there are usually unmet needs, fears, and vulnerabilities. One partner may be longing to feel appreciated or prioritized. The other may be feeling criticized or inadequate. When these emotions go unspoken or misunderstood, couples often fall into patterns of blame, withdrawal, or defensiveness. These patterns are what therapists often refer to as cycles. One partner might pursue conversation while the other shuts down. The more one pushes, the more the other retreats. Over time, both partners begin to feel alone in the relationship, even though they may deeply care about one another. In these moments, the goal of couples therapy is not to determine who is right or wrong. Instead, the work focuses on helping the couple recognize the pattern they are caught in and understand how both partners are affected by it.  Slowing the conversation down is one of the most powerful tools in couples therapy. When couples are arguing at home, discussions can escalate quickly. Voices get louder, assumptions are made, and the original concern becomes buried beneath layers of hurt feelings. In therapy, we intentionally slow things down so that each partner has space to speak and, just as importantly, to be heard. Often, when one partner finally feels understood, the intensity of the conflict begins to soften. Another important part of couples therapy is helping partners shift from defending themselves to becoming curious about each other. Instead of reacting with “You always…” or “You never…,” couples can begin asking questions like, “What did that moment feel like for you?” or “What were you hoping for from me in that situation?” These small shifts in communication can open the door to empathy and reconnection. One of the most hopeful aspects of couples therapy is witnessing how quickly change can happen when partners begin to understand each other differently. When couples start to see the cycle they are caught in, they often realize that the problem is not necessarily each other—it is the pattern they have both been pulled into. This realization can create a sense of teamwork rather than opposition. Couples therapy is not about creating a “perfect” relationship. Every relationship will experience conflict, stress, and moments of disconnection. The goal is to help couples develop healthier ways of navigating those moments so that conflict becomes an opportunity for growth rather than a source of ongoing pain. Despite the challenges, couples therapy remains one of the most meaningful types of work I do. There is something powerful about watching two people move from frustration and misunderstanding toward empathy, clarity, and renewed connection. When couples begin to feel seen and heard again, the relationship often starts to feel like a place of safety rather than struggle.
Gail Herbert, MS, LPC, LCMHCAPsychotherapist When my boys were little, if one was crying, and I met them with “Stop crying, it wasn’t that bad,” they would sniffle and the painful feeling would be extended. If I instead met them with, “It hurts doesn’t it?” and rubbing their back, they would finish crying and return to playing. If I slowed and took my time with gentleness and comfort, the feeling moved along. If not, it seemed to get stuck. Moments like these have shaped how I understand what it really means to heal. What is healing? I believe it is integration of the parts of a person. Dr. Dan Siegel says: “harmony [unfolds] with the five features of FACES flow: Flexible, adaptive, coherent (holding together dynamically over time), energized, and stable.” To be able to be flexible and adaptive to circumstances, to be coherent in thought, and to feel energized and stable in emotion, is to be able to flow with the ups and downs of life. When healing is a goal–if you feel like something has shattered within–then slowing down is important, even if you want it to happen quickly. This can be frustrating, I know! But remember that healing happens continuously on a path. It is not a final destination that happens suddenly. And if you feel as though you have shattered, those pieces can be put together any way you want them to be. You can rebuild yourself into who you want to be.  So how does a person “slow down” emotionally? It means spending time with emotion. This does not mean sinking down into a pit of sadness. Rather, it means noticing feelings with curiosity and without judgment. A person may do this in meditation, while being creative, while walking or showering, any way that helps you feel emotion. It is critical to meet the emotion with curiosity and not judgment. For example, if I feel sad, I feel uncomfortable. I might close my eyes to tune into my body. Then I might notice I feel a little bit of fear in my stomach. Rather than trying to push it away with thoughts such as “You should not be feeling this way” or “Just get over it!” instead I might notice those thoughts and think “I wonder what is making me feel afraid?” Or I might picture myself as a child or friend. I might imagine giving that person a hug or being nurturing. If I can learn to treat myself as I treated my boys, with slowness and nurturing kindness, healing will move along more quickly than with harsh criticism of myself. Give it a try. Let yourself feel emotion. This is where healing begins.
Sharon A. Findlay, MSDirector of Human Resources & Administration "Love is like a tree, it grows of its own accord, it puts down deep roots into our whole being." ― Victor Hugo If you’re thinking, Wait—trees? Isn’t this blog usually about mental health? The answer is yes… and also, we really love trees. Before I go any further, a quick history lesson: The year is 1872, and journalist J. Sterling Morton is struck by how barren the plains of his home state of Nebraska appear. As a nature-lover, he proposes a mass tree-planting event and the seeds for what we now know as Arbor Day are planted (multiple puns intended)! This brief peek into the past reveals more than you might expect. Why was it so important to cover the plains with trees? What else was happening at the time? Pioneers were still settling the area, and without trees on the Great Plains, the soil was at the mercy of the wind. The land couldn’t be worked effectively for farming, limiting settlers’ ability to survive and thrive. Trees and their stabilizing root systems weren’t just a want they were a necessity. And that’s what roots are: a necessity. They hold things together. They provide nourishment. They protect stability. They are life-giving and life-sustaining. Banyan trees, in particular, are known for their impressive root systems. They grow “prop roots” that begin high in the branches and extend downward toward the ground. Once these roots take hold, they form new trunks and root systems of their own. This unusual process allows banyan trees to grow outward in a nearly indefinite fashion, making them exceptionally strong and resilient. It’s hard not to see how this mirrors our inner lives. So let’s take this metaphor inward for a moment: What are your “roots”? Not necessarily where you came from, but what grounds you, protects you, and gives you life. And what happens when those roots become ungrounded? Imagine a banyan tree with multiple trunk and root systems. If one of those systems is damaged or removed, the tree can become unbalanced—more vulnerable to wind, water, or other forces that might uproot it.  Humans are much the same. Often, it isn’t just one thing that leads someone toward healing and inner work. Sometimes it is—but more often, it’s a collection of experiences, stressors, or losses that gradually create a sense that something is out of balance. That’s where the beauty of therapy comes into play. You don’t have to do this alone. Therapy can offer extra roots, extra shade, and extra support during a season when you need it most. It’s part of why our founder named the practice Banyan Tree Counseling. This Arbor Day, I hope you’ll think of lots of things, including trees. I hope you’ll notice the beauty around you, thank the roots that sustain you, honor the roots that need more support—and maybe even smile at a tree.
Leslie "Les" Gura, LCMHC, NCC, CCTPPsychotherapist The spring equinox represents the passing of season, from the harshness of winter’s cold and early darkness to the brightness of warmer temperatures and longer days. Many people welcome this time of year with joy in their eyes and a spring (so to speak) in their step. But it’s rarely that simple, is it? Some people are sad to say goodbye to winter. I’m one of them. It’s not that I love the cold or snow – although the storm that dumped 6 inches on us the last day of January was the most beautiful in my 23 years in North Carolina. It’s just that this time of year reminds me of two difficult dates in my life. My dog, Nilla, the most gentle, perfect canine ever, died on March 17, 2023. Thanks to social media, I am reminded of that day constantly this time of year. And April 2 will mark what would have been my father’s 106th birthday. My best friend and most important influence has been gone for nearly 44 years. In other words, when I think about the onset of spring, my mind goes to those two huge losses. My throat is tightening as I write this blog. The thing is, treating grief is an essential part of counseling. And my lived experience informs and strengthens my work with clients who are grieving. Some don’t even know it because grief, though centered on loss, is not always about death. Often, I will gently point out to clients that their anxiety or depression over losing a job or breaking up with a partner is actually the way they are experiencing grief. Regardless of the type of grief, how do you recognize it? Here are a handful of ways:
And how do we learn to manage grief’s symptoms? It starts with recognizing a loss, because once we accept we have suffered one, we can begin to grieve it more openly. My father’s death in 1982 was shattering because it came out of the blue; he had appeared at age 62 in the best shape of his life. I was just 22 and didn’t know how to shed tears, much less grieve. It took seven years, when the 1989 movie Field of Dreams was released, before I grieved my dad’s death. At the end of the movie, Kevin Costner’s Ray Kinsella turns around in the twilight to see his father emerge from the cornfield and they get to play catch. In the darkened theater, my throat caught. I could barely breathe. And, oh, I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks more quickly than I could wipe them away. My wife noticed. And for the first time, I was able to share the pain of my dad’s death with another person. Flash forward 34 years and grieving came easily, but no less painfully, when I recognized my dog, Nilla, was in decline. In October 2022, I chose to get ahead of the grief to come by through a series of daily social media posts honoring Nilla, sharing fun, nostalgic and poignant pics of my 14-year-old dog. Then, after she died, I let the immediate pain subside and eventually blogged about knowing when and how to make that awful, merciful decision about a beloved pet.  There are many ways to manage grief. Here are a few ideas:
Remember, if you find your throat tightening or eyes welling this season, let the tears flow. More than anything, grief is a process that, like the seasons, can be hard to predict.
Gregoria Arreola-Meza, MS, LCMHCA, LPSC, NCCPsychotherapist Recall a time when you were expected to know how to do something without any prior knowledge. How did you feel? You may have felt confused, frustrated, or even hurt by the implication that you should have known something you didn’t. In my work with children in therapy, I continually challenge myself to understand that a child's approach to a situation is shaped by the skills they possess at that time. As adults, we may unconsciously label children's behaviors that do not align with our expectations as attention-seeking, mischievous, or overreacting to situations. We might think to ourselves, "Why would you think that was a good idea?" To challenge this perspective, I’d like to share an anonymous quote I once stumbled upon: "The sooner we let go of the expectation that children are capable of adult-like behavior, the easier it will be to tolerate their mistakes." I recognize how difficult it can be to understand why children do not always consider consequences before acting on their emotions. I invite you to reflect on the times when we, as adults, have struggled with this ourselves. It can indeed be challenging.  By removing the adult lens, we may realize that children are not seeking attention, but rather connection. They may not intend to be mischievous; instead, they might simply be struggling to use conflict-resolution skills they have never been taught. Additionally, what we perceive as overreactions may simply reflect a child’s current level of understanding. It would be unfair to expect someone to know something they are not familiar with. Through my work, I have learned that when a child shares their experiences with me, it is their way of expressing "I promise I am trying my best… with what I know.” By approaching their stories with curiosity, non-judgment, and empathy, I am able to create a space where trust and learning can begin. This may involve helping children identify positive versus negative choices, distinguish a positive consequence from a negative one, and express which emotions may arise when deciding one over the other. By striving to view a child's story through their eyes, I come to understand behavior as a cue for growing and learning rather than as attention-seeking, mischief, or an overreaction. How would you navigate a world that expects you to know it all if you never had a chance to learn it?
Alexa Brenner DeConne, MSW, LCSWPsychotherapist Kindness does not always show up as a big, dramatic moment. More often, it lives in the ordinary gestures that weave through our day, the small choices we make that help someone feel seen, supported, or cared for. These moments are easy to overlook, but they are also easy to practice. When we pay attention, we begin to notice just how naturally kindness can be incorporated into our daily routines, not as something scheduled or planned, but as a genuine response to the people around us. If we take a moment to reflect, we may not realize how often we practice small acts of kindness, even daily. Kindness can show up by checking in on a friend or family member; whether that means sending a message, giving them a call, or offering to do an activity together. It can also show up in the way we listen without planning our response, or in choosing to pause and think before speaking too quickly. A phrase that often comes to mind, and one I have been using frequently, is “water someone’s flowers, not their weeds.” It is a reminder to focus on people’s strengths and positive qualities rather than their weaknesses or flaws. When we acknowledge what someone is doing well, we help encourage growth, confidence, and connection. This simple shift in perspective can be a powerful and tangible act of kindness.  As we practice kindness toward others, it is equally important to offer that same kindness to ourselves. What happens if we start to perform so many small acts of kindness that we forget how to prioritize ourselves? It is essential that you set boundaries for yourself, recognize when your battery is drained, and know when you cannot give to others. Understand that it is okay to not jump at every opportunity to perform an act of kindness and to release any guilt you may feel about it. Give yourself grace in performing acts of kindness and know your limits. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so know when to practice self-care and fill up your cup. We can never truly know what is going on in someone’s life. Small acts of kindness have the power to brighten someone’s day. You may never know the true impact a seemingly small act can have on someone. Kindness does not need to be grand or receive recognition; it can be small and something shared quietly between you and another person. What are some small ways you can begin to incorporate acts of kindness into your daily routine?
Christine Ridley, MSW, LCSW, ADHD-CCSPPsychotherapist The holidays can be tough for some people, with a variety of emotions showing up. This holiday season, I felt some melancholy. My grandfather entered hospice. I watched my mother grieve her father. I spent time in a hospital room, a memory care unit, and by a hospital bed while others were celebrating togetherness. How many of us find the joy of the holiday season difficult to hold while we are aware there is an empty seat at the table? Grief is many things and is not limited to the death of a loved one. Grief can also arise from the loss of a job, having to detach from a friend, ceasing contact with a family member due to their active addiction and not wanting to enable their behavior, experiencing the ‘empty nest’, or missing a previous time in your life that you cherished.  A Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, coined the 5 Stages of Grief based on her work with terminally ill patients and they have been widely adapted to the framework of grief. Note that these stages are fluid and not linear.
In my counseling work, I use a skill called dialectics from the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) framework to hold grief. Dialectics is a philosophical framework in which two seemingly opposite truths can coexist. With grief, dialectics sounds like this: “I am devastated by their loss and I am relieved they are no longer in pain.” By holding two opposite truths at the same time, we are not invalidating that there is pain here, we are acknowledging the pain, while noticing what is around that pain, so that we can better move through the emotions without judgment, without pushing away the pain, and honoring it. I often encourage my clients to have a daily practice or ritual where they honor their grief. You may choose to have a sacred space where you sit daily. This is a space that is comfortable for you, whether it is outside on a park bench or inside your home in your favorite chair. You may set a timer for 15 minutes and light a candle. Leaning into stillness, name your emotions, notice the physical sensations that may be there in your body, and honor them. For example, “I am noticing sadness here. Sadness feels like tears forming behind my eyes and heaviness in my chest. To honor this, I am going to let my tears flow, open up my chest, breathe in some calm and breathe out sadness. To honor the sadness I feel today, I am going to notice that while I am sad, I notice I am allowing myself to heal in brave ways.” Blow the candle out and this is the end of the practice. By allowing yourself time to have this practice daily, this prevents the build up of grief and allows for healing, one day at a time. May you find peace in your healing journey.
 Many of us are carrying a lot right now. Heavy hearts. Big feelings. A mix of sadness, anger, fatigue, and worry... sometimes all at once. This week, I want to gently invite you to do two simple things. First, let yourself feel it. There’s no right way to hold this moment. Cry if you need to. Take a long walk. Light a candle. Hug someone you love. Sit quietly and breathe. Give yourself permission to be human. Second, remember that you are not alone. Even in hard seasons, we find each other. We are the helpers: showing up quietly, steadily, imperfectly, and with care. I’d like to share a song that has been grounding me: Melanie DeMore singing Sending You Light. Take a few minutes this week to close your eyes and breathe. Let it wash over you. 🎧 https://youtu.be/cIsZuoNFtXg I’m sending you light, steadiness, and care... for who you are and how you keep showing up, even when it’s hard. And if this season feels heavier than you can carry alone, know that we are here for you. You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. Sometimes having a warm, steady, compassionate space just to talk things through can make all the difference. Look for the good. There is always so much good among us. We will make it through together. Always. 💛 
If your body parts could talk, what would they say?I've used this worksheet with my own children, with students I've taught, and with clients, both children and adults. Teaching kids to "tune in" to their bodies is an essential skill and doesn't always come naturally. There are so many benefits to learning this skill! One is emotional regulation-- kids who can listen to their body have an easier time managing and coping with their feelings, especially the really big ones, like anger, disappointment, fear, frustration, guilt, sadness.. . They feel more capable, confident, have a more secure sense of self. They have less behavioral problems, better social skills with peers, more empathy and supportive relationships... It's not just a skill for kids., Adults benefit in similar ways, too, with overall mental stability, positive sense of self, solid relationships, increased career satisfaction. Take a moment today to tune inward,. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and slowly release for 8. Then scan your body and really listen to what each body part is telling you. Maybe some are silent, while others are screaming! That's ok, no judgement. All you have to do is listen. Click to download the PDF to use at home. 
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Banyan Tree Counseling & WellnessWe are a team of licensed clinicians with a holistic, strengths-based, and evidence-based approach. We offer counseling for people of all ages, life coaching, group therapy, educational consulting and advocacy, assessments, and dietary nutrition services. 
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© 2015-2026 Banyan Tree Counseling PLLC | Banyan Integrated Health PLLC | Banyan Tree Wellness LLC | All Rights Reserved.
All content on this website, unless otherwise specified, is the sole property of Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness and is protected by copyright laws.
Any unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this content is strictly prohibited and may result in legal action.