Gregoria Arreola-Meza, MS, LCMHCA, LPSC, NCCPsychotherapist Recall a time when you were expected to know how to do something without any prior knowledge. How did you feel? You may have felt confused, frustrated, or even hurt by the implication that you should have known something you didn’t. In my work with children in therapy, I continually challenge myself to understand that a child's approach to a situation is shaped by the skills they possess at that time. As adults, we may unconsciously label children's behaviors that do not align with our expectations as attention-seeking, mischievous, or overreacting to situations. We might think to ourselves, "Why would you think that was a good idea?" To challenge this perspective, I’d like to share an anonymous quote I once stumbled upon: "The sooner we let go of the expectation that children are capable of adult-like behavior, the easier it will be to tolerate their mistakes." I recognize how difficult it can be to understand why children do not always consider consequences before acting on their emotions. I invite you to reflect on the times when we, as adults, have struggled with this ourselves. It can indeed be challenging.  By removing the adult lens, we may realize that children are not seeking attention, but rather connection. They may not intend to be mischievous; instead, they might simply be struggling to use conflict-resolution skills they have never been taught. Additionally, what we perceive as overreactions may simply reflect a child’s current level of understanding. It would be unfair to expect someone to know something they are not familiar with. Through my work, I have learned that when a child shares their experiences with me, it is their way of expressing "I promise I am trying my best… with what I know.” By approaching their stories with curiosity, non-judgment, and empathy, I am able to create a space where trust and learning can begin. This may involve helping children identify positive versus negative choices, distinguish a positive consequence from a negative one, and express which emotions may arise when deciding one over the other. By striving to view a child's story through their eyes, I come to understand behavior as a cue for growing and learning rather than as attention-seeking, mischief, or an overreaction. How would you navigate a world that expects you to know it all if you never had a chance to learn it?
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Alexa Brenner DeConne, MSW, LCSWPsychotherapist Kindness does not always show up as a big, dramatic moment. More often, it lives in the ordinary gestures that weave through our day, the small choices we make that help someone feel seen, supported, or cared for. These moments are easy to overlook, but they are also easy to practice. When we pay attention, we begin to notice just how naturally kindness can be incorporated into our daily routines, not as something scheduled or planned, but as a genuine response to the people around us. If we take a moment to reflect, we may not realize how often we practice small acts of kindness, even daily. Kindness can show up by checking in on a friend or family member; whether that means sending a message, giving them a call, or offering to do an activity together. It can also show up in the way we listen without planning our response, or in choosing to pause and think before speaking too quickly. A phrase that often comes to mind, and one I have been using frequently, is “water someone’s flowers, not their weeds.” It is a reminder to focus on people’s strengths and positive qualities rather than their weaknesses or flaws. When we acknowledge what someone is doing well, we help encourage growth, confidence, and connection. This simple shift in perspective can be a powerful and tangible act of kindness.  As we practice kindness toward others, it is equally important to offer that same kindness to ourselves. What happens if we start to perform so many small acts of kindness that we forget how to prioritize ourselves? It is essential that you set boundaries for yourself, recognize when your battery is drained, and know when you cannot give to others. Understand that it is okay to not jump at every opportunity to perform an act of kindness and to release any guilt you may feel about it. Give yourself grace in performing acts of kindness and know your limits. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so know when to practice self-care and fill up your cup. We can never truly know what is going on in someone’s life. Small acts of kindness have the power to brighten someone’s day. You may never know the true impact a seemingly small act can have on someone. Kindness does not need to be grand or receive recognition; it can be small and something shared quietly between you and another person. What are some small ways you can begin to incorporate acts of kindness into your daily routine?
Christine Ridley, MSW, LCSW, ADHD-CCSPPsychotherapist The holidays can be tough for some people, with a variety of emotions showing up. This holiday season, I felt some melancholy. My grandfather entered hospice. I watched my mother grieve her father. I spent time in a hospital room, a memory care unit, and by a hospital bed while others were celebrating togetherness. How many of us find the joy of the holiday season difficult to hold while we are aware there is an empty seat at the table? Grief is many things and is not limited to the death of a loved one. Grief can also arise from the loss of a job, having to detach from a friend, ceasing contact with a family member due to their active addiction and not wanting to enable their behavior, experiencing the ‘empty nest’, or missing a previous time in your life that you cherished.  A Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, coined the 5 Stages of Grief based on her work with terminally ill patients and they have been widely adapted to the framework of grief. Note that these stages are fluid and not linear.
In my counseling work, I use a skill called dialectics from the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) framework to hold grief. Dialectics is a philosophical framework in which two seemingly opposite truths can coexist. With grief, dialectics sounds like this: “I am devastated by their loss and I am relieved they are no longer in pain.” By holding two opposite truths at the same time, we are not invalidating that there is pain here, we are acknowledging the pain, while noticing what is around that pain, so that we can better move through the emotions without judgment, without pushing away the pain, and honoring it. I often encourage my clients to have a daily practice or ritual where they honor their grief. You may choose to have a sacred space where you sit daily. This is a space that is comfortable for you, whether it is outside on a park bench or inside your home in your favorite chair. You may set a timer for 15 minutes and light a candle. Leaning into stillness, name your emotions, notice the physical sensations that may be there in your body, and honor them. For example, “I am noticing sadness here. Sadness feels like tears forming behind my eyes and heaviness in my chest. To honor this, I am going to let my tears flow, open up my chest, breathe in some calm and breathe out sadness. To honor the sadness I feel today, I am going to notice that while I am sad, I notice I am allowing myself to heal in brave ways.” Blow the candle out and this is the end of the practice. By allowing yourself time to have this practice daily, this prevents the build up of grief and allows for healing, one day at a time. May you find peace in your healing journey.
 Many of us are carrying a lot right now. Heavy hearts. Big feelings. A mix of sadness, anger, fatigue, and worry... sometimes all at once. This week, I want to gently invite you to do two simple things. First, let yourself feel it. There’s no right way to hold this moment. Cry if you need to. Take a long walk. Light a candle. Hug someone you love. Sit quietly and breathe. Give yourself permission to be human. Second, remember that you are not alone. Even in hard seasons, we find each other. We are the helpers: showing up quietly, steadily, imperfectly, and with care. I’d like to share a song that has been grounding me: Melanie DeMore singing Sending You Light. Take a few minutes this week to close your eyes and breathe. Let it wash over you. 🎧 https://youtu.be/cIsZuoNFtXg I’m sending you light, steadiness, and care... for who you are and how you keep showing up, even when it’s hard. And if this season feels heavier than you can carry alone, know that we are here for you. You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. Sometimes having a warm, steady, compassionate space just to talk things through can make all the difference. Look for the good. There is always so much good among us. We will make it through together. Always. 💛 
If your body parts could talk, what would they say?I've used this worksheet with my own children, with students I've taught, and with clients, both children and adults. Teaching kids to "tune in" to their bodies is an essential skill and doesn't always come naturally. There are so many benefits to learning this skill! One is emotional regulation-- kids who can listen to their body have an easier time managing and coping with their feelings, especially the really big ones, like anger, disappointment, fear, frustration, guilt, sadness.. . They feel more capable, confident, have a more secure sense of self. They have less behavioral problems, better social skills with peers, more empathy and supportive relationships... It's not just a skill for kids., Adults benefit in similar ways, too, with overall mental stability, positive sense of self, solid relationships, increased career satisfaction. Take a moment today to tune inward,. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and slowly release for 8. Then scan your body and really listen to what each body part is telling you. Maybe some are silent, while others are screaming! That's ok, no judgement. All you have to do is listen. Click to download the PDF to use at home. 
 We all know the scenario hilariously played out on last Saturday’s SNL skit: you’re sitting around the thanksgiving dinner table when Aunt Cathy inevitably starts spouting off her doggedly absurd political views (insert eye roll) and it takes all you can muster not to reach across the table and strangle her. Well take heart: it need not come to this. Here are some tips to help you handle the annual holiday dinner without it swiftly turning into Battle Royale.1. Make a PlanThis isn’t your first rodeo. You know the deal: after a few glasses of wine Aunt Cathy won’t stop with her political rantings, which just so happen to entirely contradict your rational and wisely chosen political ideals. You feel your heart start beating fast and your face grow hot. What is she saying?! Take a deep breath and remember your plan. Many of us run the worst-case scenarios in our mind and brace ourselves for a nasty encounter. This can do more harm more than good as it raises anxiety. Try to reframe the scenario in your mind. Say, “This might be stressful, but I can handle it. I’ve been through worse!” Use “If-Then” statements. You know what to expect, so plan your response. “If Uncle Larry starts talking about the refugee issue I am going to calmly tell him ‘I understand you’re coming from but I have respectfully have an alternate viewpoint.’” Another example: “If Uncle Larry won’t let it go, I will excuse myself to the bathroom.” 2. Use Active ListeningWe all want to be heard. These issues are important to us, and rightfully so. When a family member makes a statement that disagrees with the core of your beliefs, it’s only natural to have a strong desire to assert your opposing view. And you can. But first, wait. Take a deep breath. And remember this: When people truly feel heard, they are in a much better place to listen to what you have to say. In other words, if you want Aunt Cathy to gain a shred of understanding toward your opposing viewpoint, you first must listen to her and make her feel heard. The next important thing to remember: You can listen to and understand an opinion without subscribing to it. It’s true. You can. And you should! The foundation for healthy communication is active listening. You won’t have time to teach a psychology class during Thanksgiving dinner but you can guide the table toward healthy communication by example.
Next, muster up your best empathy skills. In this situation it's going to be hard but you can do it! Of course, empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine what things are like from their perspective. You’ve got to really divorce yourself from your own personal views for a moment (not forever, just for a few minutes!) and see things through Aunt Cathy's eyes. Convey this by summarizing what she’s just said, and authentically tell her how it is you understand what she’s saying. For example, you might say something like, “I can see how you feel that refugees shouldn’t be let into our country. It can be really scary to think that they might put our lives in direct danger. It sounds like you’re saying protection is really important to you. I can understand and appreciate that. I want to feel safe, too.” Ask her to explain anything you might not completely understand. (Remember, you don’t have to believe it to understand it!) This also shows the speaker that you care about what they have to say and want to know more. You could say, “Tell me more about your thoughts on __________ and why you think _____________.” You don’t have to go on forever. A little of this will go a long way in making stubborn Aunt Cathy feel heard and ultimately hear YOUR point of view. 3. Change the Subject You have a 0.01% chance of changing Aunt Cathy’s vote over turkey dinner by arguing with her. Studies have shown that it is rare for a person to change their political opinion through argument. So is it worth it? Depending on your relationship and energy level, sometimes it’s just not. In which case, change the subject. This doesn’t mean you have to agree. Be authentic. Say, “I hear what you’re saying, Aunt Cathy; I respectfully have a different view. To tell you the truth I’ve had so many of these difficult political conversations lately I just don’t have energy for another one right now if you don’t mind. I would really like to hear about your new job though. How is that going?” Chances are, she'll really want to talk about it. 4. Be KindThis goes without saying, but don’t belittle anyone for not agreeing with your views. Ultimately it does nothing more than solidify their view, hurt your relationship, and make you look bad. A little kindness can go a long way to help make the holidays positive. Remember, you don’t have to go home with this person, you just have to eat turkey with them for an hour. Be kind, and see number 5… 5. Give ThanksIt’s Thanksgiving, after all. When we are mindful of all we have to be thankful for, getting into arguments is less likely. So when you’re taking the trip to gather around the table with your loved ones this Thanksgiving, remember to be thankful, be kind, come prepared with a plan, use your active listening skills, and if necessary, deflect the conversation. …And if none of these suggestions end up working, you can always just break out the Adele!  Photo screenshot from SNL YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2zyjbH9zzA Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It seems so simple, yet it is an essential (and often overlooked) skill children need to learn in order to develop into healthy adults. As parents, it’s not always in the forefront of our minds, and some may find it a bit odd to think they need to actually teach their child empathy. Doesn’t it just come naturally? Yes and no. Children are born with the aptitude for empathy, but it needs to be taught and encouraged throughout their childhood. Research shows there is a clear correlation between the ability to empathize and future fulfillment and success. Making (and keeping) worthy friends, succeeding in school, attaining a gratifying career, maintaining a healthy marriage, all of these things rely on one critical skill: EMPATHY.
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Banyan Tree Counseling & WellnessWe are a team of licensed clinicians with a holistic, strengths-based, and evidence-based approach. We offer counseling for people of all ages, life coaching, group therapy, educational consulting and advocacy, assessments, and dietary nutrition services. 
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© 2015-2026 Banyan Tree Counseling PLLC | Banyan Integrated Health PLLC | Banyan Tree Wellness LLC | All Rights Reserved.
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