Christine Ridley, MSW, LCSW, ADHD-CCSPPsychotherapist The holidays can be tough for some people, with a variety of emotions showing up. This holiday season, I felt some melancholy. My grandfather entered hospice. I watched my mother grieve her father. I spent time in a hospital room, a memory care unit, and by a hospital bed while others were celebrating togetherness. How many of us find the joy of the holiday season difficult to hold while we are aware there is an empty seat at the table? Grief is many things and is not limited to the death of a loved one. Grief can also arise from the loss of a job, having to detach from a friend, ceasing contact with a family member due to their active addiction and not wanting to enable their behavior, experiencing the ‘empty nest’, or missing a previous time in your life that you cherished. A Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, coined the 5 Stages of Grief based on her work with terminally ill patients and they have been widely adapted to the framework of grief. Note that these stages are fluid and not linear.
In my counseling work, I use a skill called dialectics from the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) framework to hold grief. Dialectics is a philosophical framework in which two seemingly opposite truths can coexist. With grief, dialectics sounds like this: “I am devastated by their loss and I am relieved they are no longer in pain.” By holding two opposite truths at the same time, we are not invalidating that there is pain here, we are acknowledging the pain, while noticing what is around that pain, so that we can better move through the emotions without judgment, without pushing away the pain, and honoring it. I often encourage my clients to have a daily practice or ritual where they honor their grief. You may choose to have a sacred space where you sit daily. This is a space that is comfortable for you, whether it is outside on a park bench or inside your home in your favorite chair. You may set a timer for 15 minutes and light a candle. Leaning into stillness, name your emotions, notice the physical sensations that may be there in your body, and honor them. For example, “I am noticing sadness here. Sadness feels like tears forming behind my eyes and heaviness in my chest. To honor this, I am going to let my tears flow, open up my chest, breathe in some calm and breathe out sadness. To honor the sadness I feel today, I am going to notice that while I am sad, I notice I am allowing myself to heal in brave ways.” Blow the candle out and this is the end of the practice. By allowing yourself time to have this practice daily, this prevents the build up of grief and allows for healing, one day at a time. May you find peace in your healing journey.
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Many of us are carrying a lot right now. Heavy hearts. Big feelings. A mix of sadness, anger, fatigue, and worry... sometimes all at once. This week, I want to gently invite you to do two simple things. First, let yourself feel it. There’s no right way to hold this moment. Cry if you need to. Take a long walk. Light a candle. Hug someone you love. Sit quietly and breathe. Give yourself permission to be human. Second, remember that you are not alone. Even in hard seasons, we find each other. We are the helpers: showing up quietly, steadily, imperfectly, and with care. I’d like to share a song that has been grounding me: Melanie DeMore singing Sending You Light. Take a few minutes this week to close your eyes and breathe. Let it wash over you. 🎧 https://youtu.be/cIsZuoNFtXg I’m sending you light, steadiness, and care... for who you are and how you keep showing up, even when it’s hard. And if this season feels heavier than you can carry alone, know that we are here for you. You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. Sometimes having a warm, steady, compassionate space just to talk things through can make all the difference. Look for the good. There is always so much good among us. We will make it through together. Always. 💛
We're so proud of therapist Jamia Davis for her wonderful interview on UNC-TV on July 22, 2021. In recognition of National Minority Mental Health Awareness month, the purpose of this townhall was to educate North Carolinians about the challenges African Americans face in terms of mental health and substance use and access to services. Leading the conversation were representatives of Voices of Affrilachia (VOA), which is a broad regional coalition of stakeholders focused on improving equitable service delivery in behavioral and mental health services across the footprint of Appalachia region of North Carolina.
Watch the recording here. Thanks to Jamia for raising awareness and educating our community about these important issues. We're lucky to have her on the BTC team! To schedule an appointment to work with Jamia, click here. Q: As a therapist, how do I create a safe environment for my patients?As private practice clinicians, we are generally aware of the importance of the therapeutic environment we create, with lighting, comfortable seating, and soothing colors being the norm. What you may not think, however, is how to create a safe environment for clients who have experienced trauma. Whether or not you specifically work with clients who have encountered trauma, it is important to recognize that certain things in the therapeutic environment can be triggers, even re-traumatizing, if we’re not careful. When we think of trauma, we often think of an obvious event or catastrophe in a person’s life, that they identify and are coming to therapy to process. However, trauma can be a set of circumstances, a series of events, or even a long-term process, that ultimately causes a person to view their world as unsafe. Viewing the world as unsafe has lasting effects on the brain and nervous system, often causing a near-constant state of hyper-vigilance and acute awareness of stimuli. Little things can cause big reactions, and may derail what otherwise were productive and therapeutic sessions. According to SAMHSA, the five principles of trauma-informed care practice include: safety, choice, collaboration, trustworthiness, and empowerment. This article will focus primarily on the environmental factors to consider when creating a safe space for our clients. The following environmental suggestions address both psychological and physical safety. Seating
Communication
Auditory Considerations
Visual Considerations
As clinicians, these are small yet effective ways of intentionally creating a safe space for our clients to be able to be vulnerable and engage in healing. The idea is to carry this through for all of our clients, as we may be unaware of trauma they have experienced in the past. However, despite our best efforts at creating a safe environment, clients may still experience triggers, flashbacks, and panic episodes in session. Because of this, it is important for all clinicians to have basic knowledge of trauma, its impact on the brain, and how to deal with trauma responses in session. Even the most prepared and educated clinician may find themselves in a situation where a client is re-traumatized, and it is critical to understand how to respond in the moment. Psychological First Aid, Grounding Techniques, Breathing Exercises, and a neutral, calming presence, are all skills that clinicians should have in their repertoire, so we may help our clients process what they’re experiencing, and continue to grow and heal in therapy. Written by Jamie Cullen, LCMHC, LMHC, LCPC
References:
SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach. (2014). Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service’s Administration. |
Banyan Tree Counseling & WellnessWe are a team of licensed clinicians with a holistic, strengths-based, and evidence-based approach. We offer counseling for people of all ages, life coaching, group therapy, educational consulting and advocacy, assessments, and dietary nutrition services. Categories
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3303 Healy Dr Suite B 3305 Healy Dr 1409-J Plaza West Road Winston Salem, NC 27103 **In-person and telehealth! |
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206 N. 4th St, Suite 15 Wilmington, NC 28401 **Wilmington is accepting telehealth clients. In-person availability Summer, 2026!** |